Over the next 15 weeks, I will be publishing a new post every Tuesday and Thursday morning for a total of 30 days. The intention will be to uplift and, hopefully,  encourage you to step out of your comfort zone along with me. Let’s get to it.

Missed Opportunities

I know. How can reflecting on missed opportunities be at all encouraging or hopeful? Generally, it isn’t. Especially if one has a bent towards overthinking.

We all have them though – missed opportunities. We tend to think of them in terms of “big” things. The so-called boats missed, usually due to fear of some sort. An education left behind due to anxieties and insecurity. A job we wished we would have had the guts to take despite being doubtful of our capabilities or how it would pay the bills. We must not forget the ever-dreaded one that got away. It could be one, a mix of, or all of the above. For me, it was all of the above. 

I spent a great deal of time beating myself up over each one in the past. Why couldn’t I be this? Why wasn’t I that? Who did I think I was to want more? When would I move past this? How many times would I have to deal with this or that? The self-recrimination was intense and, at times, overwhelming. I drowned in it for a bit there. On and on, the merry-go-round went. It encompassed all the big ones – fear, anxiety, self-doubt, self-worth. My thinking and mindset tended towards all or nothing. They still do, if I am honest. Recognizing those patterns has been eye-opening and freeing. Yet old habits die hard.   

The Shift

The shift began by recognizing the mindsets and thought patterns that no longer served me, such as the all-or-nothing and the always-never absolutes. I credit a former co-worker with this. 

At the end of a particularly stressful week, she more or less said she did her best even if she didn’t hit the mark 100% of the time, and she wasn’t going to dwell on it. She acknowledged she had treated those she helped with genuine thoughtfulness and respect, but other areas may have fallen short of perfect. She said it with such conviction I knew she meant it and wouldn’t be giving it a second thought. The concept of being okay with what I did, even if it wasn’t utterly perfect, was incredibly foreign to me. Her making such a statement was the first time I had ever duly considered thinking that way towards myself and, by extension, others.

What if I could begin to recognize when I tried and missed with a bit of grace? Perhaps I could even recognize it then and there rather than later. The morning may be fantastic, and the afternoon shambles. Take them each as they are, acknowledge where you could do better, where you did do better, and keep moving. What a revolutionary concept! Not one I came up with by any means, but one that finally started taking root in me. 

Size Doesn’t Matter

Missed opportunities are more than the so-called big ones that we think could have changed our lives. They are also the small things that occur on a day-to-day basis. The habits that no longer serve us, yet we insist on continuing in. The moments in which we should be congratulating ourselves on a job well done rather than searching for the bit we didn’t do absolutely perfect. The yes to yet another thing we know will ultimately stress us out rather than the no. The person around us who needs a smile or a nice word. The child who could use encouragement to focus on what was done very well rather than what wasn’t. The other driver who requires the bird some extra patience.

Yes, some consequences linger, but I have found that the so-called larger “missed opportunities” will, for the most part, merely reroute us if we are willing to extend ourselves grace. Recognize that you did the best you could with what was available to you at the time. Whether it was the resources, knowledge, or the support system available at that moment, acknowledge that for yourself and those around you. Then drop the overthinking when it tries to set in. The process takes practice. If you find yourself floundering, pick yourself up again and keep moving. If I am stuck in an obsessive loop and spiraling, appreciation of anything, regardless of how seemingly silly or small, will help stop the spiral and redirect me towards moving on. Good-naturedly laughing at myself is also a go-to. I don’t know about you, but there is never a shortage of moments like that in my life to quickly bring to mind.

Let It Go

Let go of the opportunities you missed (or feel like you did). Is there something in your past you should extend yourself, or another, grace?  Maybe it was years ago, or perhaps it was this morning.  Either way, start.  By doing so, new opportunities will arise because you will now be open to them and willing to give yourself a shot.

Until next time,

Rah