Welcome to Day 21 of the 30 Days of Encouragement series. This series encourages you to trust the process, extend grace to yourself as you step into the unknown, and keep going even when it is difficult. Today’s post is a little different in that I won’t be writing on a specific topic, but what I have been doing this week to keep my spirits up while experiencing a rough patch.

When the Going Gets Rough

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. It is coming up on my birthday month, which is always a time of reevaluation (read: harsh self-judgment) for me. I saw random pictures of myself on social media, bringing some long-fought body image issues back up to the forefront that I had to face head-on. I developed a bit of a crush and am processing through things in that arena I usually choose to ignore but am no longer willing to be passive over. I am also anxious about the state of the country. One thing is enough to overwhelm me, but all at once equals a massive rough patch.

Here are three actions I took this week to help me process through this particular rough patch.

1. I have allowed my feelings to be what they are.

     Part of why I am where I am is that I used to flat-out refuse to process my feelings. Emotions scare me. Particularly the “negative” ones. They overwhelm me and shut me down. Somewhere along the way, I began to think that I should only ever experience positive, upbeat emotions. Not only is that a dangerous mindset, but it is also HIGHLY unrealistic. This week, the difference in how I approached the emotions is I let them be. If I needed to cry, I allowed it. If I needed to get in bed earlier, I did. I did not try to talk myself out of my feelings and fought hard against shaming myself for them. I am allowed to feel scared, confused, angry, and frustrated with the world (and myself). I can’t live there, though, which leads me to the next tip.

2. I set a time limit.

     When dealing with heavy, overwhelming emotions, I must put a time limit for myself, or I will wallow. There is a difference between processing and wallowing. The night I was upset and crying, I knew I needed to go to bed despite it being around 8:30P. I went to bed early, knowing that was what I needed at that moment. It was also a signal to my emotions, letting them know this is your time to be, but when I wake up in the morning, I am moving forward despite your presence. When I woke up in the morning, the emotions were still present but not as intense or overwhelming. I felt better equipped to handle them (a good night’s sleep will do that), and the fear was no longer an issue. I set a time limit regularly. If I am angry, I give myself 30 minutes, for example, to let it all out. Set a time limit on the emotions that overwhelm you, but you know you must face them. Deal with them within the time limit. Some feelings are recurring due to years of pushing them aside and hiding them behind other activities (i.e., eating, sex, an over-packed social life); the time limit helps begin the process and minimize the overwhelm. It does not magically make them all disappear, never to be heard from again. It makes them bite-sized.

3. I noticed the wins in my thinking and processing.

     Body image, negative self-talk, and crush anxiety are not new things for me. I have dealt with these areas going back to my teenage years. When I am anxious or overwrought, I am the first area to take the hit. Essentially, I bully myself mentally with an intense focus on my body and looks. Once again, this goes back to my teenage years. This week, I allowed how I process things to be what it is. I was still frustrated that I am not the type who can brush off a less-than-flattering photo or relax about having a crush, but not in the usual self-condemning way. I accepted that the image was not my favorite, but when I left the house that day, I genuinely felt fabulous about myself and my appearance. I felt confident, and that picture did not represent that, so I am discarding the image. To choose how I saw myself over how the picture presented me is massive. I acknowledged that growth. I also recognized that I am much farther along than where I began when I decided to take on this type of thinking. That win is what I focused on rather than wondering why I am still “this way”. Shift your focus to your growth, to how far you have come from where you started.  It matters. Your focus matters! Especially when you are in the middle of a rough patch.

I hope you found encouragement in this. In knowing someone else is out there struggling through issues as well. Someone else is scared and over it. Go out and DO SOMETHING. Get out of the house, walk, run, lift, clean, put a load of laundry in the washer, etc. Do something productive (even if you do not feel like it). That helps too!

Until Next Time,

Rah