Welcome to Day 12 of the 30 Days of Encouragement series! Thank you for joining in. For an introduction to the series, feel free to read Day 1. Today I will be chatting about loving yourself. Tricky business, this loving yourself thing is. We have to contend with three areas – thoughts, actions, and words. We interact with each daily. Some days are better than others and part of loving yourself is accepting the not-so-hot days with equanimity. It is a practice we can all learn to continually improve in. Let’s get to it.

Loving Yourself Through Thoughts

Thoughts may be the trickiest of the three areas mentioned above. Thoughts are usually the catalyst for actions and words. Yes, I had heard that thoughts lead to x, y, and z, but until I started paying attention to the ‘small’ things (my thoughts), I failed to see how simple thoughts could affect my life. I did not connect my thoughts to the actions I was taking. A miscalculation on my part. Mind Monsters are not to be casually dismissed.  

In my quest to do better, I decided to become more active in communicating gratitude to my body. To thank it for all it does for me, I commit to moving more. I currently only have 5-10 minutes a day, so I exercise during that time. My thoughts kick up, and I think it is pointless to exercise for a short period. If I accept them, I have internally communicated that the goal is meaningless and not worth following through on.  

Loving Yourself Through Actions

If thoughts are at the root of actions, then continuing with the becoming more active option, my thoughts have just derailed my effort to communicate thankfulness through movement. Any action taken, or not taken, is sharing something. I told myself that I would move more, but my activities are not supporting that decision.  

In this instance, without the action of activity, I am informing my body that it is not worthy of gratitude. Even worse, it is not worthy of being loved. The same can be said about food choices. If I decide to be more conscious of my health, but my actions in eating do not line up with the decision, am I really communicating love to myself?

Loving Yourself Through Words

Ah. The fun one. If thoughts inform actions, does that mean actions inform words in addition to thoughts??? I have a sneaking suspicion they do. Let’s continue with the exercising and eating examples from above. My thoughts have derailed my desire to exercise and eat better as means of communicating gratitude and love to my body. I have not followed through with any sort of long-term action. If there was any effort, it was only briefly because motivation left and all I had remaining were my discouraging thoughts. 

At this point, words start to be said internally, letting me know what a letdown I am. Then those words work their way from the internal to the external. I find myself saying aloud all of the things I am thinking. I weaponize these words by using all of the actions I did not take or continue with against myself. We all can agree that none of this conveys love to ourselves. In fact, it says the exact opposite.

Take It Easy

As I stated in the opening, loving yourself is a daily practice, with some days being better than others. Remember to take it easy on yourself during the particularly tough days. If we can begin to notice how our thoughts, actions, and words align, we can start to combat the discouraging ones. Choosing thoughts and words that support the actions you would like to take is a way to show up <insert link> for yourself.  

On the particularly tough days, here are some questions to ask yourself.

• Do these thoughts encourage me toward my goals? If not, proactively choose one which does. 
  • Mind Monster: “You will never reach your goal at this pace. Give up!” Counter with: Taking a step forward, no matter how small, is still moving in the direction I decided to go. I am proud of myself for continuing on and supporting myself even on days like this when I want to give up.
• Are my words encouraging me or attacking me? If not, reframe.
  • “Ugh! Why am I like this?”  Instead say: “I am not thrilled about being this way, but I am doing better.”  CITE AN EXAMPLE(S) of when you did better and remember how good you felt about it. Use it again and again if you need to. Continue to create examples through actions you can then use as encouragement.
• Are my actions in line with what it is I say I want?
  • Your actions won’t line up 100% of the time because you are human. Extend yourself some grace for the days when you are emotionally not up to it. When those days come, and they will, do what you can in your capacity. Example: You can’t walk like you intended, but you can do 10 squats. If even that is too much, take a breather and promise yourself that you will follow through tomorrow. Then do. The trick is starting back up when you say you will.

Until Next Time,

Rah